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I recently hired a photographer to snap a few shots of me in the nude. They were very tasteful, very artistic, and I was proud of them. So I showed them to some people, and this is how they reacted:
I think the mom in the orange shirt actually liked them. I was hoping the older Asian dude would’ve been more impressed, but oh well.
Okay, okay I’ll admit, these photos aren’t people reacting to my man-atomy. They are actually from a HILARIOUS Flickr stream of photos taken at “Nightmare Fear Factory.” People look so funny when they are scared. When I’m scared, I look a lot like this:
This, of course, is a wonderful time of year to be scared. With Halloween just around the corner, everything gets haunted. Speaking of haunted, listen to this:
One time, my friend Anna was babysitting for a family in our neighborhood. They lived in a nice big house.
It was past the kid’s bed time, so she made him go to his room and go to sleep.
Well, the kid came back downstairs and said “I can’t go to sleep.”
“Why not?” She asked.
“Because the doll in my room keeps talking to me.”
She explained that dolls couldn’t talk, it was his imagination, and she demanded that he go to bed.
But he kept coming down, looking a little more scared each time.
She finally went up to his room with him to inspect this “talking doll.” It was a large clown doll, sitting in the corner in the dark. It did actually look scary, and gave her the creeps. So she allowed the boy to come downstairs and rest on the couch.
Later, the parents called to check in. My friend explained that the boy couldn’t sleep because of the big clown doll in the room.
The Mom replied “We don’t have a clown in his room… get out of the house now!”
Cops showed up later, no clown doll, window wide open, footprints in the backyard.
Feel free to go change your pants now.
If you have trouble sleeping tonight, shove some earbuds into your brain and turn on some happy, not-scary music. Keep the nightmares away so you don’t have to go sleep in your mom and dad’s bed, possibly interrupting their special “mommy-daddy time.”